doubt.

Doubt. It may the most pervasive of emotions.

It can stop me dead in my tracks when it comes to every decision I make. Whether it's taking a leap of faith with my art career or cutting my hair short.

I'm  getting tired of letting it run my life.

I've told myself a thousand times that what I do isn't "good enough", or that it's "not really art". And even once I've sucked it up and gained the confidence to stop thinking that way, the doubt comes to me like this: what makes me think I deserve to make a living doing what I want?

There's a weird kind of audacity to making art your full-time job. It seems to say to the word: "Yeah, that's right. I think I'm better than the rest of you. I don't need this 9-5 bullshit, I'm gonna make ART."

So I worry. That by doing what I love, what I'm compelled to do even if I'm not getting paid, is somehow going to seem arrogant and possibly offensive to people in my life. But I know that I will worry and stress that I'm not being true to myself if I don't do it.

And I'd be right about that. I wouldn't be true to myself if I don't take this chance. So I'm taking it. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. And I'm going to relish that uncertainty and that fear. I'm gonna own it.

A line from my favorite song at the moment, "Clone" by Metric:

"nothing I've ever done right happened on the safe side".

Pretty much sums it up.
Oh yeah, and I'll be cutting my hair short, too.